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Living

To the unvalidated beautiful

by Christian Michael

July 02, 2013


Dear beautiful girl, who doesn’t think she’s so beautiful,

You are beautiful.

To you who don’t think you’re so valuable, who thinks your boyfriend doesn’t love you enough because you’re not beautiful enough, because “who would want me?” Because, you don’t know why he’s here, but want him so desperately to feel like he just loves you.

To you who never feel beautiful enough, even when he tells you you are. Who can’t figure out why anyone would love you?

To you who do anything, EVERYTHING, to make someone else feel better, because it will make you feel better, because making other people seems to be the only way you feel better.

You are still beautiful.

You won’t believe me. Even as I write this, and you read it, you will bring up every disagreement in your mind why what I say doesn’t apply to you. You might bring up everyone else’s point of view on you, anyone who might have pointed out what you know is the “truth,” that you’re not so beautiful. That you’re plain or mediocre. Unwantable. Unvaluable.

You’re going to think of every mistake, every stumble, every misstep or misspoken word. You’re going to question these words because you don’t see how they could be true. Not you. Certainly not you.

But you are not just beautiful, but valuable all by yourself.

Your boyfriend could love you, parents value you, friends revel in you, and still you look in the mirror and see only a girl who’s not so pretty.

You are the unvalidated beautiful. But you are still beautiful, with or without others’ validation.

God made you beautiful. He made you special and precious, and in that, you are long validated. No human, no husband, no boyfriend can ever give you the value God has already molded you with. You are a special creation, borne of intelligence and creativity and love, without which you could not now exist.

You keep asking why you aren’t so pretty. Why don’t you feel the love you so yearn for. Why you can’t seem to embrace or accept what other people tell you. Why you just don’t love yourself.

You are broken, torn from someone or something in your past that makes you feel you weren’t valuable enough, and so have long sought the validation of others. You’ve asked for others’ love, but it’s never enough; can never be enough, but you can’t see any other way. You do things you never thought you would ever do to get their attention, get their love.

When that boyfriend is unfaithful, it’s because you’re not good enough? He hits you because you did something wrong? He treats you like shit because you aren’t a good enough wife or girlfriend? Because you didn’t love him enough? Because you’ll never be enough?

These are lies. All of them, utter and complete lies.

You don’t have to believe me here and now. You wouldn’t no matter how many words I might pour into this post. But know that it will take a decision from you to be more than someone else’s addendum. You were not born to be someone else’s life assistant. No amount of sex, romanticism or servitude will draw the love from others as if from a well to the lips of a thirsty man.

The love can come only from God, and it’s available for you right here and now, but you have so long lied to yourself that you don’t deserve it, are unworthy of it, that you could never receive it without stealing or cheating for it, that you have denied yourself something as precious as oxygen.

You were born to breathe! Stop believing the lies that you belong beneath the surface, beneath the feet and attention of other people. You must choose to deny these lies and begin accepting the truth. It won’t be easy and it won’t be instant.

Today, life can stop being about other people’s inability to see how beautiful and valuable you are, and start being about how you’ve been valuable this whole time. It’s time you began speaking truth.

“My cheating husband/boyfriend is unfaithful because something is wrong with HIM, not me.”
“My abusive spouse has a problem with his temper and inability to manage his own infantile feelings, not my behavior.”
“I am not responsible for other people’s poor decisions.”
“I will stop making up for other people.”
“I will no longer put up with other people’s lies or bullshit. Or both. Ever.”

“I will now make decisions that will directly improve my personal health and those I’m responsible for, such as children.”
“I will no longer live for other people. Supporting and loving others is important to me, but I live for myself.”
“God created me beautiful independent of others. I will no longer ask others to show me my value.”

“I am worthy.”
“I am valuable.”
“I AM beautiful!”

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